Dim bulbs to ban light bulbs

Los Angeles Democrat Assemblycrat Lloyd Levine, "Decrying the inefficiency of the common light bulb" according to an AP article, announced in late January that he wants California to ban the ubiquitous glass glow-globe.

Levine wants to force everyone to use the more efficient compact fluorescent light bulbs in spite of the fact that the bulbs are, quoting from the same article, "being promoted by Wal-Mart."

(If a libertarian suggested that Levine forgot for purely political point-scoring purposes that his boringly socialist party's political playbook obligates every Democrat everywhere to vilify Wal-Mart at every opportunity he would likely stare back in confused incomprehension at such a notion.)

Joining the control-crazed Ban-the-Bulb battle is San Rafael Democrat Jared Huffman who claims that using the better bulbs "would prevent 1,300 pounds of carbon dioxide from being pumped into the atmosphere by electric plants." Carbon dioxide, of course, is the chief bogeyman behind Bogeymanmade global warming.

However, Guttering Waxman, lobbyist for the Council of California Candlemakers, accused the legiscrats of being "soft on global warming." Ranting at reporters at a recent photo op, Waxman challenged Trendy State lawmakers, "Why stop at banning incandescent bulbs? Ban the fluorescent ones too. Ban neon. Ban all electrically driven lighting devices. Force everyone to live by candlelight. It's the wave of the past!"

(If a libertarian were to suggest that people ought to have the freedom to make their own decisions about light emitting devices, naive Global Warmheads and power-obsessed politicians alike would likely stare back in confused incomprehension at such a notion.)

Since politicians live for the primary purpose of dictating to everyone in society how to live their lives from morning to midnight and cradle to casket, and justifying their coercion through catchphrases like "for the children" or "global warming" or "equality" or "efficiency" or whatever else pops into their power-scarfing skulls, we can expect ever more bright Ban-the-Bulb diktats.

West Dakota Republican legiscrat Bea Essing has introduced a bill that would make her state the first in the USSA to ban the teaspoon and make the tablespoon the obligatory eating implement.

"The teaspoon is small and inefficient," Essing argues, "and mandating tablespoon usage will save lives. I mean, it's for the children. It will save the children's lives."

The logic is, as always, politically impeccable. Eating their Tasty Toasty Frosty Fruity Crunchy Crispy Chunky Choco Multigrain Multifiber Multiantioxidant Fair Trade Free Range Ecofriendly frankenfood-free Bean Curd Flakes for breakfast takes twice as long with a teaspoon than with a tablespoon, causing people to run late for work in the morning, resulting in harried drivers trying to make up time by speeding, weaving in and out of traffic and running red lights, thereby causing an increase in traffic accidents and injuring an additional daycare-bound child or two every year.

(If a libertarian suggested that spoons don't make people late, people make themselves late, mainstream politicalheads would likely stare back in confused incomprehension at such a notion.)

Meanwhile, the forward-looking city council members of Walla Walla, Washington, have proposed legislation that will make their community more efficient, politically correct, environmentally sustainable, help save the planet, and serve as a lasting legislative legacy to their own egos. "Two Wallas are wasteful," explained Precinct 2 Councilperson Ward Heeler, repeating the administration's taxpayer-paid multimillion dollar focus group tested marketing catchphrase.

The plan is to shorten the city's name to Walla, Washington. "The double Walla is inefficient when one will suffice," continued City Managercrat Etta Kit Mannerly. "It's not like we have to differentiate ourselves from some other Walla in the country."

The Municipal Planning Commissionercrat, Dick Taytor, elaborated. "Uttering Walla twice is an unnecessary expenditure of time and effort, requiring an extra breath-filled vocal exhalation which pumps more carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, thereby contributing to the greenhouse effect. Writing the extra Walla consumes precious graphite, a non-renewable resource, or else it squanders ink, requiring the expenditure of energy and the consumption of more precious earth resources in the ink manufacturing process."

"That Al Gore guy," scoffed one city officialcrat in the mayor's office who requested anonymity, "he thinks he should get all the credit for stopping global warming and saving the planet."

(A libertarian standing nearby and observing the powercrats' continuing Silly Symphonies was seen to stare back in confused incomprehension at such a notion.)

However, No one at city hall wanted to comment on the often vitriolic in-fighting going on behind the scenes over whether to drop the first Walla or the second Walla from the city's name.